Couple of days ago, I shouted at my friend because he wasn’t doing the things I asked him to do. Not as if I’ve forced him to. He promised it would be done in time, and my anger was the consequence of not doing it in time. In that argument I even gave some ultimatums. “If you don’t do it by today, you’ll have to face consequences”. That kind. Brutal to my standard, but I considered it to be necessary to get the work done. I’ve disconnected the call after letting him know what would be the consequence. That will teach him to get it done on time now. Right?
Post that call, I was glad that I am getting things done by industry standard. “If a person doesn’t complete his work, let that person know the wrath.” That’s the standard right? That is what everyone told I lack. Guess I’m growing now.
Despite all this, one hour later I felt horrible. The fact was, I am not a guy who gives ultimatums. To be on point, people say I’m more empathetic than an average person. Though it sounds good, same people say empathy will bring my downfall. For results, I should be ruthless. I can’t think about other’s problems. I first need to solve my own and be ruthless. But, I can’t be this harsh with my own people.
As years went by since college days, I’ve become more of a person who considers other’s feelings in my decisions. It felt hard. Once you consider other’s conditions, taking decisions become exponentially harder, consumes a lot more energy even before I take the decision. Slowly, I tried switching to being ruthless. It was easy on me cause taking those decisions is a lot easier. I can ignore other’s situation for the goodness of the task in hand. What could be the drawbacks?
Regret. That is the drawback. Regret that I’ve made their life a lot harder by being the worst possible self. You know what - regret consumed a hell lot more energy than considering other’s conditions ; and it had no time limit so it keeps not only consuming indefinitely but also keep accumulating. All those regrets keep feeding on me everyday.
So, the very next day I sat with that friend and apologised. The problem wasn’t that I had a task in hand to complete but not letting him know how important it was. He should know the consequences, yes, but way in advance so that he too can plan it forward. Sat with him for an hour to explain how things are, got some inputs on how we can improve. Now, we are on even ground. Is my life easy now? Not fully. But I can rely on him to share the burden. No one is immune to harshness, but we all can support each other.
Everyone said to accept the norm. I tried. Didn’t work out for me. So I’m accepting myself. I might not be the best case scenario on your research paper. I’m okay with myself though.