Adversity
Last couple of days have been the most challenging. The whole world I’ve been seeing, flipped upside down, and I started questioning the reality itself. Is what everyone says as true, really true?
I can’t put what had been going through my mind, and all this revelation started in just couple of minutes. In those minutes, I went into denial, then acceptance, then portrayal of a different self of me. In those mere minutes, I lost a part of me which I am not able to find back. Since then, I feel more neutral to all emotions, including pain, fear, happiness, guilt and regret. All of these have come down drastically to settle into a silent pond.
The older me might’ve kept searching for those emotions. But, I don’t even feel right searching for them. It feels as if I am meant to be here. To go through pain isn’t wrong, but necessary to understand myself.
No joke, I’ve been searching for a quote which describes where I am in this moment. None captures. It’s like I’m looking for that one Instagram reel which appeared only for a second and now is lost for eternity. But, I will try to put my experience in a single statement.
To grow is to feel the pain fully. Not to understand, but to just feel it to the core
I am not even at a state to judge any of my situations right now. Everything right or wrong, just is. That’s it - it just is. I am here to see it through, not to change the course. To be honest, this isn’t hard. This is sad; cause I never felt so open to all I am seeing.
All of what I’ve written seems vague, and I’m sorry for that. But I really am not able to put them to words. One thing I did understand which I can put in words though. If you want to grow fast, you have to pick the hardest path. If you want to catapult the farthest compared to others, you need to pull back on the rubber as hard as you can before release. But in all this process, you might have to sacrifice something. Maybe the catapult itself will be broken to push you forward, but you need to be ready for it.
Greatest sacrifices create the strongest warriors