Distraction from Myself
People love to stir up emotions in you, and utilise them to bank on you. It’s quite easy I must say, and I didn’t even realise that I lost myself until I truly questioned why does all this feel weird.
Not all we do makes sense. We need to do things we don’t want to, cause it is how it should be done. These I accept. Though we don’t want to make some decisions, deep down it is the right decision. It’s like eating healthy is a no brainer and you hate to do it, but deep down you know it has to be done.
But, you realise these are correct decisions only when you understand who you are. If you are among a collection of people who smoke every day and give reasons as if it’s fine to smoke once a day, you don’t even question the problem. You don’t even realise there is a problem. But, when you are deep into the night, awake while the whole world is sleeping and start questioning some of your decisions, you shudder at some of them. You don’t know why, but you halt for a second in that doubt not knowing if the question itself is wrong, or if you are not able to find the answer. Those moments are where you find yourself.
And it is different for different people. Someone might like spending money on books cause it makes them intelligent or happy, while others love saving every penny not even having a tea outside. It is our self, hence we are unique. But finding ourself is crucial. Only when you understand the actions, is when you can rest. Until then, you might throw away food just because everyone around us is doing the same.
Finding yourself is hard, holding onto yourself is even harder. In today’s day and age, everyone around is trying to beat you down. It might not be because they enjoy it, but they might have lived that way. Still, when others stir up your emotions and you crack, you can’t make decisions by yourself. And when that happens, you need a well-wisher you can rely on. Confusion is personal, and it can’t creep that easily onto people who are close to you. Their emotions run separate, yet they can decide for you cause they know who you are.
Relying on others is the toughest. We are taught to solve problems by ourselves. We are never taught how to rely on people. But, when your internal emotions are in chaos, trying to solve problem creates more problems. You are to sit idle while your friend or partner takes over. Need not regret the decision, cause you will stand strong for them later. Right now though, sitting silent is better than creating chaos.