The race, which I spoke of in my previous blog, went really well - until it didn’t.
One day before the race, I made sure I didn’t eat outside at all. Though I went out to meet my friends, I carried a lunch box to have homemade food only. Even completed my dinner by 6PM as I had to wake up at 1 at night. Race starts at 3:45AM.
Woke up to the first alarm, body felt rested, had some fruits pre race, reached race start point way before the start time. Weather wasn’t that cool, so it wouldn’t be hard to warm up. Not many runners to overwhelm me. Though I was nervous, I had same level of excitement. I was already planning what kind of pictures I’ll click post marathon.
At 3:45AM sharp, marathon started. 42.2kms to go. Everyone around me were much faster than me. Still, I was very calm regarding my pace as I have to maintain it for 6 hours. The race is a 21.1km loop, which we have to run twice to complete the marathon. 25% of it is on the highway, 25% is on a random silent lane, 50% in University of Hyderabad campus.
Pace was pretty good, stomach felt well, exhaustion was on par as planned. Early morning run with almost empty roads apart from other runners around me was quite enjoyable. Nothing to think about apart from jogging from one aid station to the next.
Some runners were blazing fast, which made me smile thinking how far human form can push. There were old-age runners too. Hopefully I would be one such marathon runner in my sixties.
Every once in a while a random runner looks at me and smile and I smile back. We don’t talk. It’s as if all of us are in the same battle.
As I was covering the University campus route, the sky became brighter every minute. I was sweating at some parts of the track, while the breeze picked the moisture away from my skin in other parts.
About 2 hours 47 minutes into the race, I came back to the start line to go for the next loop. Half done, half more to go. Though this half marathon was slower than my previous race, my energy was high that I can complete this in 6 hours. By then, 21.1k, 10k and 5k races have started too and the track was crowded.
Well, I need not look at others but focus just on myself. My calves were sore as heck, but I trained myself last 2 months to push through pain. Energy isn’t low so that too isn’t a problem. To rest for a bit, I was walking for some distance. 5k and 10k runners were patting my back and motivated me with their words - I smiled. I know I’m going to push through till the end.
After walking for about 200 meters, I started jogging again; my right calf cramped. That’s strange. I almost never had a cramp while exercising. I slowed down, stretched, drank some water, ate some food and walked a bit more. Cramps are temporary, everyone gets them, they stretch and go on with their activity - I said to myself.
Some distance later my muscles felt relaxed, so I started running. 10 seconds later, both my calves cramped and my right inner thigh too. It was painful to run through cramps (which I unfortunately did try). I stretched a bit more. Thought I’ll just fast walk for the remaining race. Looked at my pace, not good. I started speed walking but cramps were coming back. Not good at all. If I walk slow, I can’t complete the race within time. It started dawning on my. Maybe, I can’t complete the race.
I’ve trained to push through pain and exhaustion, had strategies against them, but not for cramps. It is like one YouTube short I’ve watched. “Full marathon isn’t twice as hard as Half marathon ; It is four times as hard. After running one half of the full marathon, the remaining half you’ll be pushing through pain, exhaustion, hunger, your body telling you to stop through all the negative thoughts.”
At 26km mark, I gave up. I knew I couldn’t reach my target with this pace and with this body. I didn’t have enough preparation against cramps as I didn’t think of them to be a problem. I sat on a rock, my elbows on my knees and tears pouring onto the ground. So much training, so many sacrifices, yet here I am not able to reach it. Goal post felt so far.
I came back to the start line with help of volunteers, hopped onto the passenger seat of our car where my friend was waiting. He was shocked to see me early. Said I couldn’t complete it. Most of the way home, we didn’t speak much. All the exhaustion took over as I slept.
As I closed my eyes, I was running through the whole track. I remember, as I was completing the first loop, I was already imagining running the whole loop the second time. Every step of the way I was running once in my body, twice in my mind. Where did it go wrong? Was my training not enough? Is it the nutrition through the race or the hydration or both? I need to study more on cramps. For my next marathon, I should have a strategy for that too.
By the time I was home, I made peace with the fact that I didn’t complete my race. It’s fine. I didn’t feel any anger towards myself cause my body did push for about 3 1/2 hours and 26 kms, which isn’t a small feat too. I am proud of what I’ve achieved. If my body decided to give up, I’ll just nurture it to be ready for the next time. Am I sad? Yes. But I too don’t have any other body apart from this, just like my body doesn’t have anyone from me. I can train my mind and body for greater feats based on the threshold I know which I’ve already reached. Every step forward is progress. I didn’t want to sit in the past.