Find your peace
Last week, I wrote about the Need of Regrets. But how to come out of it? Should we just keep creating regrets day in and day out cause we are not sure what we are proud of? That’s a tricky place to be. I don’t know how to break the cycle, but I was able to start something to warp it enough so that I at least know I’m on the right path.
A random night when I wasn’t able to sleep, as always my mind was showing all the mistakes I did in my life till date. My potential of what I could’ve been, the achievement I could’ve had, the health I might’ve missed, the savings I should’ve created. All this added fuel to the fire of sleeplessness. I could’ve opened some social media to distract, and I did that as well in some instances previously. But hose thoughts kept coming back every week. That night, I woke up, turned on the light in hall, sat on the desk with my journal and started writing. Everything. All those regrets, the decisions I should’ve made but didn’t. The version I could’ve been but didn’t. No order in particular but everything that was on my mind. After couple of pages, I was able to slow down to contemplate what I wrote.
Though the thoughts didn’t have an order, I found out the reasons which keeps me awake at night. Those are the same things which make me not move away from bed in the mornings too; My gloomy self sitting on the edge of the bed in the morning, thinking whether I’m even creating any value to this world. So I started writing what things I can make right.
Started from very basics. One of the goals I wanted was to be healthy; Not only now but 60 years down the lane. And for that, I need to incorporate exercise into my day-to-day life. And to lock myself in this ritual, I wrote that I won’t bath if I don’t go to gym. Period. That’s some weird rule I’ve put upon myself in that very second, but I loved it in a sense. Since then, if I don’t go to gym I don’t bath. If I have to feel the pain through the whole day, so be it, cause I gave importance to long term health rather than to short term comfort. I started going to gym more frequently than before. Never a moment did I regret that I put up this rule.
I did similar things to my other goals as well. To learn new concepts everyday to grow in my professional space, to write exciting articles on LinkedIn, to meditate every day for couple of minutes, etc. None of these I wanted to do before cause I never understood whether these lead anywhere at all. But the fact is, if you want to be rich, you either save more or earn more. If you want to save more, you have to cut down your expenses. If you want to earn more, you have to keep up-skilling yourself. The goal needs a habit and there’s no other way to it. Short term inconveniences lead to long term achievements.
Every long term peace needs a short term sacrifice. So I noted down all my long term goals. Then sat on analysing what short term sacrifices I need to make. It could be as small as saving Rs.10 a day, to as big as skipping a meal if I don’t meditate. Brutal, but necessary. The very next morning, though it started as any other, I knew I had quests to complete. That was motivating.
I won’t lie, it was hard. Real hard. The very first quest every morning is not to turn on internet on my phone until I get my morning chores done. That was the hardest as I had to rewire myself to not do something which I used to do subconsciously. But I pushed myself. Every quest I tried to make sure I did as I promised myself to. And those day were the happiest, cause I knew what I’m moving towards.
I did break those quests somedays and those were the worst days. Though my short term happiness was satisfied, at the end of the day I knew this day I stopped moving towards my ideal self. Still, I’m happy about the fact that I feel that tension as I’ll rectify the next day.
Having a path made me realise where I’m going. If I don’t find the path, I have a path to find the path. I was that adamant on not leaving myself to adrenaline rushes. Now I find those rushes while completing my quests. I find peace in having short term discomforts. Cause I know I’m building a better tomorrow.