Reset Nights
My day concluded well. All was fine, including the dinner. A good YouTube video to end the day. And then, going back to bed for sleep. I remember plopping back onto bed but never sleeping, cause I couldn’t sleep. These sleepless nights come for me every once in a while and these are the nights which reminds me who I am.
I always talk about sleepless nights. Not every night, but every once in a while when I couldn’t summon the sleep gods to make me dive deep into my dreams. I just stay still looking at the squeaking rotating fan thinking if I’m in the right trajectory in my life. Those nights, I end up scrolling Instagram on chrome. Yup! Me trying to come out of the loop of Meta gods but keep going back to it cause I don’t know what else to do. But I slowly understood the fact that those sleepless nights is when I shouldn’t be touching anything at all even more than ever. Those nights are needed to be stared blankly at things and let the background story unravel itself in my brain.
Cause, I kid you not, I figure it out while staring at walls. Our brains are super complex, and hence extremely amazing at figuring things out. We just need to let it think and over-think and process the heck out of it, until it cools down to the basics. Every problem is because of a basic need. As we process the problem more and more, we forget the basics and go down a rabbit hole. And all the noise around us, it could be social media or people suggesting us to do stuff to fix it, will pull us away from that basic. Our problems are simple. We make them complex.
Let’s talk about an example. I need more money. I need it because I want to lead a better life. Better? What is better? Well look at Zepto brothers. They’ve built such a great company in such young age. Ok! So I want to build a company. What should I build? Well, I can’t build. I don’t even have the guts to build. I had a million opportunities to build in my graduation days, when I had all the support and none the risk. Now I have none the support and all the risk. I am no good at figuring this out. I can never build a company. Shit! I can’t live like this.
That’s picking a problem and pulling it so hard, the problem loses its context. Needing money and building companies might be relevant, but not in short term. But along the process I forgot my basic problem “need money” to a problem I created “I have no talent to build companies”. These spiral down the hole as days, weeks, months go by and before you know it, you are sad all the time.
The sleepless staring at nights helps me back track thorough the problem. But why don’t we do it? Because it’s scary. Because we don’t like accepting the fact that the problem we are thinking right now isn’t the actual problem. We don’t like accepting we are looking at it wrong. And among the noise in mornings, we can never accept our defeats. Alone at nights, a tiny speck in our brain accepts that we are wrong; and that is the only thing which is needed to unravel the whole onion.
These nights come once a month to reset me. It’s like I go back to my basic needs and problems to start working on them. And, I kid you not, the next morning will be the most amazing morning in that month. I have all the clarity I need in the world. I complete every single task on time with maximum effort, and the day ends with fireworks in my head. That’s a paradox. We need sleep for our brain and body to function efficiently. But the sleepless night is what makes me work the most efficient. That’s why I can’t call it a sleepless night. It’s a Reset Night.
And I need a dose of Reset Night every once in a while to remind me who I am. That is what we all need to know; Our morals. The days pull us slowly away from our morals and we feel lost. We need to find those morals while backtracking it. No other way but to walk back the path in that lonely forest. Cause, only then can you find yourself. That is the happiest you’ll ever be. We have our own unique morals; Finding ours is peaceful.