The Subtle Friction
What is growth? How do I define it in simple terms? Everything should ultimately have a list of terms, if followed, suggests that you are in line with the policy. But, Growth feels odd. Growth is different for every single person. It could be lifting heavier than previous week for a body builder, running faster every day for a runner, earning more than last year for a private sector worker, taking much better care of patients for a care taker etc. I do understand why everyone picks money earned every month as a common growth factor, but I don’t understand the basics of it. For the type of work you do, the basic values you need to follow for earning more might be different from the person next to you. Then, how do I find my basics for growth?
The Confusing question
I’ve heard for 27 years that being happier is the ultimate goal. If you are happy, you have reached your goal. But, what does happy mean? You laugh all the time? But, if you laugh for a week for a set of jokes, they won’t make you laugh the next week. Does that mean, you are sad though your surroundings are much better than an average human gets? Should you even be sad if you are better off than most around?
The search for happiness, the run away from sadness, all this feels very vague. At some point, this even feels misleading. If you are having fights in your relationship, does that mean you are not happy? One fight per week is okay, but two fights isn’t? The whole context of what we are running towards or against feels vague.
Why Friction
So, what should we strive to foster growth? I’ve found Subtle Friction working for my life. We know what friction is. A force against the smooth movement. (Nerds are going to hate me for making it sound too simple; but also I am writing this to make things simple. My blog, My terms.) We all strive to make our lives smoother every day. Any huddles we have, we either try to clear them, or complain about them. We need it to be the smoothest, as if we live our life in absolute freedom not locked to any restrictions every day while money piles up in our bank account. Friction is despise. Still, I’ve learnt to embrace of the friction.
Of course, I hate it when I need to work when I’m on a vacation cause it seems urgent. But I am starting to hate when I don’t have anything to do at all for more than three days too. Fourth day I start breaking down, thinking I am not moving towards any purpose but just cruising by. Having a small friction every day makes it exciting; cause I know I am moving towards a better self.
Now, why does friction equates better me? A simple analogy which everyone uses (and so do I) is exercise. Eat, sit, watch Netflix, sleep, repeat is the smoothest life. But our bodies are designed to move. If we are designed to sit, the most efficient form would be a box, not a form with two hands and two legs. The friction our mind provides for us to move is what we succumb to, but when you embrace it and move is when you will be healthier. Same with every thing in life.
How to find your friction
There is a threshold of how much friction you can accept though. Your friend might be able to study for exams 8 hours straight, but you need a break every hour. I had the guilt too. But embracing our threshold makes us much better. Taking a break of 15 minutes every hour is what I can withstand, so I’ll study for 10 hours with 15 min breaks every hour. We take the friction head on, find out our threshold, and plan around it to make that friction work for us.
Our minds are better off scrolling on phone, getting the dopamine hits; but our lives are better off going against the odds to create a better self. Friction is not the problem, but the key. Find the friction you love.