What should be done
The Three dots
These are the three variations to achieve a goal
What others want you to do
What you want to do
What should be done
We grow through these variations as phases in the exact same order. I’ve first observed this through my focus on fitness
1
First phase, I’ve seen people doing gym and eating healthy. Followed multiple fitness enthusiasts, a lot of googling, personal friends for a decade in gyms. I’ve followed what people suggested and expected me to do.
2
As years went by, I’ve picked the routines I’ve liked. Exercises I like, foods I like. I’ve seen videos where people said, “What is the need of so much training just to leave the foods you love.” So I ate whatever I wished for, trained whichever way I liked. This is where I was stuck for long and see many staying back.
3
But If I want to be fit, I needed to understand myself. What my body needs, what my gut likes, how I can incorporate which training for my lifestyle, how to be healthy longest. That’s when I understood what should be done one step at a time.
Even now I toggle between all three phases when I need to learn something new. Yet, I’ve found peace in the last stage. Not what others want or what I want, but what should be done. I never stumbled onto phase three directly on a random tuesday, but learnt to understand slowly what I am capable of right now and build on it. This phase keeps changing too.
A different 3 every-time
About writing, I wrote what people suggested in the beginning, to writing whenever I liked, to writing on Saturday afternoons. Cause, for me to be a writer I want to, writing once a week for now feels right. As years go by, that might change and I’m open to it. I don’t want my identity to be a weekend writer but a writer itself. Twenty years later if it means I should write daily, so be it.
In a way, I like the exploration. This becomes less about me, more about being itself as time passes. You might want to water your plant once a week, but she might need water daily. I like to sit with the plant to understand what she needs - to understand what should be done.